Companionship & the Plus Size Woman: Combatting Thin-Privilege.
Sometimes my thighs could start a fire. Sometimes my breasts just cannot be contained. Sometimes, I would appreciate not having to buy jeans a size up so they go over this booty and then not having to get the waist taken in. Sometimes, I like to make people stare by dressing provocatively. Sometimes I bask in the stares that I receive when out with clients who have a certain physique. Now and then*, I have the pleasure of spending time with an "unthinkable". You know, the type of man society thinks we don't "deserve".
The Eric Northman "Viking" type. The one that'll bite my neck, and take me sideways looking dude. The one with broad shoulders, abs, and smile that will make me drop my panties... instantly. Or the Alcide Herveaux type. You know the dude who looks like he's the Alpha Wolf of a pack. He's masculine but sensitive, stocky and super gorgeous. It's his swagger that entices you. The "I ride motorcycles and will bend you over and own you/you're mine" type *sighs*. Yes, y'all - those types of men do like plus size lasses too... and pay our full rate without complaining. All while fucking up some peoples’ worlds when we walk down the street together.
However, it isn’t always sunshine and rainbows in the world of private companionship (and that's for everyone, honestly). Even though “BBW” is one of the most searched terms in the porn industry, and many folks enjoy a woman of size, many have been conditioned to deem our bodies as less than, especially in regards to private companionship. Much of this can be attributed to the media and their definition of beauty. Lending to some facing ridicule, especially men, for enjoying our bountiful curves. It lends to suitors often times being hesitant to recommend us and/or review us; therefore, admitting to their perceived "malfeasance" in the demimonde. Honestly, it sucks. But this blog post isn't going to address that; instead, I've been tasked with addressing how "I combat or confront the thin privilege in the industry."
It took me a few weeks to write this because to be honest (1) I have no idea how I combat "thin privilege" except for existing and speaking out and (2) it meant I had to take a good, hard look in the mirror. However, between providers releasing videos that show how diverse our community is (that's sarcasm and shade) and my middle-aged, cis, white male (yes his race is an important factor in our friendship; another blog post for another time) personal trainer telling me I am beautiful after every session, I knew I had to finish this.
So, here I present to you, what I, London 'LJ' James does to combat "thin privilege".
- I own my body.
Yes, babe! And you should too. Own. Your. Body. I want you to get naked. Go on. Now, stand in front of your mirror and work it. Grab every single part of you and own it. Own those curves. Own your hips. Own your ass. Own your breasts. Your smile. Your thighs. Your jiggly bits. The way your thighs touch.
Internalized shame is real, y'all. We have to combat it in a way that works for us. Every morning I get up and stand in front of the mirror naked and tell myself I am gorgeous. I know it's cheesy AF but it helps me. For you, that may mean writing self-affirmations in a journal or spending the day at the spa. Find something that makes you glow from the inside out.
- I set rates that I am COMFORTABLE with.
And fuck everybody else. You won't make them happy no matter what. There will be some who say that plus size providers should raise our rates "because we're dragging everyone else down". But what those providers do not understand is that raising our rates is usually easier said than done for a bigger lass (especially if you are of another marginalized identity). There is so much at play when it comes to this issue: size, race, gender, location, market, niche, etc. So, instead of me telling you to raise your rates, I want you to set a rate YOU can comfortably live with without questioning yourself.
If you can (emphasis on can) raise your rates and maintain/increase your revenue stream, give it a shot. Yuuuuuuup *in my Lana voice* I said it. One of the ways I personally combat this notion that curvy/plus size/fat/BBW/etc., providers are “less than” is that I set my rates to be on par with typically (key word: typically) thin, cis, white providers. I find it rather unfortunate that as a niche market, we’ve been exploited to the point where to garner the same amount of inquiries and business revenue, lower rates are expected of us.
Before you tell me "piss off", allow me to be the first to say that this sentiment of raising rates comes from a place of privilege for me. And that can be and is, at times, problematic.
So do what makes you most comfortable and keep doing you, boo.
- I Call Folks to the Carpet. Providers and Clients alike.
I can get behind someone saying they aren't attracted to my/our body type. However, if we are going to preach "Kumbaya" and that we all need one another to rise up, then we need to be able to promote one another.
Last I checked, a "brand" that has the sauce, the nuts, the sprinkles, and the cherry, is just as good, if not better than just plain old vanilla or chocolate ice cream. Interpret as you will.
- I Stopped Questioning Things.
I had/have a terrible habit that I am working on. Sometimes when someone books me, I ask if they are into plus size/BBW women because I "don't want to waste their time". However, by the time they get to the point of submitting their booking information, if they haven't figured out that I've got a tummy and I'm still yummy, they didn't read my website or even my ad.
Not my problem.
- I sing Drake's verse on Nicki Minaj's "Only".
Problematic? Meh... maybe. Fucking gold to listen to when you're in a funk? Absolutely.
I mean, I like the whole damn song but to hear what I'm talking 'bout, this is what you need hear (2:50).
Finally, Hold. The Fucking. Line.
There you have it. Those are the ways, that I combat "thin privilege". It's not much and I'm sure there is more that I am missing. However, it is a start.
Oh, and there is one more thing. When, someone says "plus size isn't beautiful" show them one of your hottest photos and this hot AF video. FYI: That is my video inspiration. Hell, if you're a plus size baddie, own it!
Until the next, keep doing you, boo!
A penny for your thoughts? Care to share some insight or just like the content? Like or comment below. And feel free to sound off on Twitter @MeetLondonJames
*Now & Then is an awesome coming of age story/movie that I adore.